I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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