I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
