I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i came on her dog
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
