I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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