my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he was CRYING into my vagina
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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