I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
