YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize