No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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