a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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