I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
