Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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