As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The beer is more important than you right now.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
