I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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