I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So apparently I’m into choking now
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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