Are we in a gay sports bar?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize