I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
