Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
