she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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