Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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