i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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