the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
