As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
this hospital has no fireball
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize