Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I need moral support for this bender
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
