We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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