Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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