Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
