I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
