Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
