Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
