Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
