I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
