I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
