I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
