That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
