Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
