the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
