That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
