So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
