Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
