I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize