Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
