I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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