Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
