guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
