Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
