I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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