So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
