His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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