The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
