yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
