Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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