Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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