somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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