Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
