I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
