who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
