i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
