I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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