U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize