shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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