We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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