and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
