I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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