Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
