You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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