I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
