I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
