you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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