i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
