Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
