I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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