Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
