I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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