I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wish my penis had a tongue
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
