Yo dont text me then not text me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
