At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She bit a glass in half.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
