You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
