I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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