dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
