is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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