So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
