he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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