It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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