That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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