you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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