It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
