put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
