i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize