how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
