I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
