That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
