headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
