I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
