remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize