i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
